Loki rested his head against the back of the chair and wondered what he'd been thinking. He was angry and confused about Thor, worried about Odin, and worn out from yesterday. Why had he thought this was a good time to reach out to Frigga? He hadn't counted on Jane's impulsiveness to see that he went through with it before he had time to rethink.

Too late now. He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or nervous or both about that. Maybe he'd just hope Frigga was busy, or wouldn't leave Odin. Except he'd like to see her, which was why he'd suggested it in the first place. He rubbed at his forehead, sometimes he was really tired of his own thoughts especially when they insisted on going in circles.

The knock on the door that interrupted the circles this time was immediately followed by Jane's voice calling, 'Loki? Ah, she's here.'

Loki had been expecting Jane to bring back a message, not Frigga herself. He looked at the paper on the floor feeling like he'd failed to tidy his room, and hastily shoved it into a pile beside his chair before sitting back down and calling, 'Come in.'

They did. Frigga was as always all golden beauty and every room she entered smelt faintly of something Loki had never bothered to research - it was comforting because it meant her. Now he wasn't altogether sure that was comforting, but he was automatically relaxing a bit anyway.

Frigga was not quite relaxed. She took a step toward him, open yearning on her face, then stopped and rocked back on her heel. 'Loki-' She closed her eyes for a few seconds, then turned and raised an eyebrow at Jane. 'I think I may have been too precipitous. You could have told me he looked more like he should be taking a nap than going for a walk.'

'I didn't know we were going for a walk,' Jane said, puzzled.

'Well, the spells we're going to look at aren't here,' Loki answered. He stood up. 'I'm fine, Mother.' He hadn't meant to call her that, but she was smiling, and it felt too silly to correct himself anyway. 'I doubt we're going to be doing anything that strenuous. I'm not about to collapse.'

'I didn't- ' Jane began, then shook her head and retrieved her notepad. And the book. 'Okay, cool.'

'Very well.' Frigga glanced at Loki's stack of abandoned genetics notes. 'If you're ready?'

Loki picked up the notepad and nodded. He felt nervous, as if he was doing far more than going to look at something which was presumably not off limits, and also excited. What were they going to see? Would it answer the questions he had, about Asgard and his own place in it? That was certainly expecting too much, and he tried not to expect anything except a bit of magic he hadn't seen before. But he couldn't help hoping that this would cause everything to slot into place and tell him who he was, even as he knew it couldn't.

It was a longer walk than Loki expected. Frigga lead them through the palace, including parts of it Loki wasn't sure he was really allowed into. None of his handlers stopped them though. It felt too hot inside the palace, stifling, and when Frigga led them through a door into a cellar the coolness there was a relief. It wasn't a cellar Loki had been in before, he realised, the walls were rough unfinished rock although the stairs were regular and polished, if worn in the centre by many feet. He trailed his hand on the wall as they walked down, unwilling to admit to the slight dizziness he felt and ask for help.

The stairs ended in a passage, where the walls were again unfinished. They were deep under the palace now, among its foundations. Frigga looked at him, concerned, and he tensed, ready to insist that he was fine, but she looked away without asking.

Sounds could be heard as they walked. Rustling. The trickle of water. Birdsong? Loki wondered whether he was hallucinating, but Jane was frowning, lips parting to ask a question. Frigga smiled at her, a trace of mischief under the worry, and disappeared around a bend in the corridor. Loki followed and a garden opened out before him.

A fountain played in the centre, carved from the same rock as the foundations they had been walking through, and growing beside it was an apple tree with pale, shining bark and golden apples. Green grass spread from it, dotted with daisies and buttercups, a path of shimmering mother of pearl paving meandered up to it. Other trees, birches and oaks, all with their trunks gleaming in pale, metallic colours and looking like living bark, spread their branches around the outside, hiding the walls of the cave so that you could almost believe you were outside.

Loki looked up and was met by a starry night sky, the sight making him dizzy enough to sway on his feet and hastily look down. A butterfly, with a jewelled body and wings of dyed silk stretched over wire frames, flew past him and settled on a buttercup that he could now see was made of gold. This place must be saturated in magic and he was standing in it feeling nothing at all.

'What is this?' he asked.

'This is Idunn's garden,' said Frigga. Something - the walls, the grass, the delicate metal leaves - caught their voices and tossed them back and forth in a chiming susurration, Idunn's name the only clear word in the echoes. She rested a hand on a slender branch of the golden apple tree. 'It represents and anchors the foundational spells of the world.'

It was awe inspiring. Spellwork on this level - and the garden was only the spell itself; the actual working covered Asgard. 'Are they alive?' Loki asked, watching a robin with rubies on its breast fly into a tree. 'I mean - if I could sense them. Would they feel alive?'

'Yes...' Frigga half-shut her eyes, as if lost in thought. 'It's been a long time since I visited here. The way they feel alive is a little similar to your doubles, when you put more into them than mere illusion.'

Traces of Idunn, then. Loki's doubles didn't last longer than he thought of them, Idunn had put herself into things that had outlasted her by millennia. It was like being a child seeing spellcasting for the first time. He walked to the fountain and looked into it, little frogs coated with emeralds and topaz swam in it, or looked up at him with onyx eyes. Idunn must have been amazing...and vain enough to make sure that it wasn't forgotten.

The thought made him feel a little less overwhelmed, made Idunn seem more real and less like a goddess, even as her work still held him rapt. 'The trees must anchor the most fundamental parts,' he said, thinking out loud. 'The living things, they can move about. Built in flexibility?'

'I think so. And maintenance, and growth.' Frigga's voice was unexpectedly close; she reached down and dabbled a hand in the water, and a frog the size of her fingernail perched on her knuckle and let her lift it. When she'd brought it to eye level, it made a sudden leap across to Loki's arm.

He jumped and then laughed, watching it scrabble for purchase before bringing a finger over to touch its smooth back. The air was cool here, and everything felt safe and sheltered. He wondered if that was part of the spell, too.

'How many people know about this place?' he asked.

Frigga glanced back at his handlers, and over at Jane who had wandered off a little way among the trees, gazing upward. Enraptured enough that it was a little startling to remember she couldn't sense the magic any more than he could right now. 'Sixteen, at the moment. Traditionally nine, but in reality the number varies and is usually kept a bit higher.'

It had only been minutes after hearing he wanted to see this that she'd brought him here. Jane too. And his handlers. They were hired for discretion, though, so maybe that part was understandable. But Jane was from another world and he was not trustworthy, from their point of view, for a number of reasons. 'Does Thor know?'

'He's been informed of its existence.' Frigga pursed her lips. 'He hasn't yet visited.'

The frog jumped from Loki's arm and landed back in the fountain with a little plash. Its head poked up a moment later. 'I didn't know when I was King.'

'I should have brought you down here, when you were.'

He looked at her, surprised by that admission. Still surprised by the fact that she'd brought him now. This was Asgard's heart, and he was still allowed to tread within it. 'It's beautiful.'

'It is.' She leaned against the fountain, looking out over the garden, her expression more pensive than wondering. 'I always intended to bring you here - sometime after you came of age, at least. You should be one of its watchers. There is no reason to tell Thor except his becoming king.'

'One of its watchers?' Jane asked, curiosity evidently overcoming her efforts to let them pretend they were having a private conversation.

Frigga looked over at her, slightly distracted. 'Watchers, scholars, maintainers. Idunn's work needs little tending, but it's best for someone to know how.'

Loki looked at the garden and for a moment felt utterly heartbroken. He could have had this - belonged here. Only what Frigga had actually said was - 'You said that I "should be",' he began, tentatively. 'Not that I "should have been". But I don't even have magic. I can't even be trusted with myself.'

She caught his wrist, at that, just above the bracelet but with her fingertips resting on it. Loki jolted a little - half from surprise and half because she had the bruised one - but didn't pull away. Frigga looked down and frowned at the white fabric, and he felt a sudden coolness and faint itch as the pain vanished. Healing spell, then. Usually she'd have kissed it. 'It's not meant to be forever.'

'I know. But it feels like forever.' He blinked as the garden blurred slightly, and felt tears overflowing. 'I don't know how I can trust anyone again. I don't know how anyone can trust me.'

'Loki...' Frigga turned fully toward him, hand tightening on his arm, and then caught her breath and hugged him, all at once. '-Trust can be rebuilt.'

He hugged her back, crushing her against him, shuddering with sobs and feeling very young.

Frigga's forehead came to rest against his shoulder, and then she pulled him down to sit with her on the edge of the fountain. She held on tightly, silently, and when he finally raised his head there were tears streaking her face as well.

Loki pulled back slightly, although he left one arm around her, not quite willing to let go yet and not wanting her to think he was pulling away again. It wasn't until he'd found a handkerchief and dried his eyes that the awkwardness of having just cried in front of Jane - who was looking at least as embarrassed as he was about it - broke through the shaky relief. He wasn't quite sure what to do now. Carrying on as if he hadn't just started crying would probably be least awkward. 'I suppose you could still teach me the theory?' he asked Frigga, trying to sound normal.

Her smile was a little tremulous, itself, but it was there. And she hugged him again - or tighter, since she hadn't fully let go either - apparently for asking it. 'I will, if you like.'

Loki swallowed. He still didn't know if he could get better, if he could rebuild the connections with his family. But - if he could - there was a place for him. Not as Asgard's King, no, but as someone useful to it. Someone necessary. 'I would.'